Artist Way: Week Ten

Is it just me, or are there less exercises as you get further in the book? Is that like, on purpose? Are they trying to get you to recognize something specific about a certain sense?

Anyway.

"Take a piece of paper and cut seven small strips from it. On each strip write one of the following words: "alcohol," "drugs," "sex," "work," "money," "food," "family/friends," Fold these strips of paper and put them in an envelope. Now draw one and write five ways it has had a negative impact on your life. (If you choose one that seems difficult or inapplicable to you, consider this resistance)... Do this seven times, each putting back the previous slip so that you are always drawing from seven choices"

And so that is what I did.

First one I got was family/friends.

For God's sake.

Well, it says to "consider this resistance" and I think the difficulty with this one is the love and dependence I have on certain people, especially my family, make me uncomfortable with acknowledging negative things about them, even though I know they are there. It's especially uncomfortable to share this on a public platform, where everyone has the potential to see it, including, say, the people I'm about to mention. That's highly unlikely, considering barely any people see this at all if the counter by my posts is accurate. The unease is still there, regardless.

That said, I ain't no bitch. Thus, the list will be written. Maybe I'll even feel better afterwards.

1.  Tazlyn from first grade, who was the first person to pull the "do this for me or else you're not really my friend thing"
2.  My uncle Oscar dying before I could ever really get to know him.
3.  My friend of ten years, from 2nd grade to Junior year, Julia, drifting away because of conflicting schedules in Senior year who I have since fallen out of contact with and miss dearly.
4. My father and step sister scheduling trips to Michigan in the fall, whenever I was too young/ and afraid to go, or when I had school. I barely know anyone up there, and my Grandma Nina has passed before I could meet her.
5. My mom's initial dismissal of my asexuality, which has gotten better, but opened my eyes to the fact that she does not take me seriously as an individual, just in general.

Food

1.  My aversion to certain textures of food, causing me to eat many of the same things for several years and exacerbated some of the above tensions.
2. Reluctance to try new foods because unless we're at a buffet, if I don't like it I'd be wasting money.
3. Having to plan out grocery shopping, especially when you have to carpool, is a pain.
4. Cooking takes time you don't alway have.
5.  Food industries abuse animals and workers alike and while that may not directly affect me, I still don't like it.

Work

1. When you are busy doing other work, you sometimes forget that you have an upcoming test. And when that happens, you don't fill out the study guide, and you don't get the extra credit that would've fixed the B you got on the test, dropping you from a 106 to a 96. Not bad, but still really annoying.
2. Being in several plays diminishes time to do homework.
3. Working very long very consistently saps your motivation to do work.
4. When do eat?
5. The sheer anxiety that comes from being evaluated on work you know is not your best because of deadlines.

Sex

Note: I am an asexual.

1. The constant threat of rape that comes as consequence of being a young woman.
2. "Corrective rape"
3. The prospect that a future relationship (depending on if I'm not aro. The jury is still out on that) may be threatened by my refusal to have sex.
4. The expectant from everyone to have biological children for absolutely no goddamn reason.
5. Amatonormativity

Food

1.  Certain things are good for you and certain things are not.
2. Things that are good for you are often more expensive/harder to obtain.
3. Things that are good for you often taste terrible.
4. Things that are bad for you are cheaper/easier to obtain.
5. Things that are bad for you taste awesome.

Alcohol

1. Everyone in Texas drinks. This causes problems just generally speaking.
2. Drunk drivers
3. The smell is terrible.
4. I once wildly misinterpreted the phrase "double fisting"
5. I don't really know what to say. I don't drink, I'm not allowed to anyway, and I've never really had any meaningful interaction with a drunk person. so.

Money

1. I don't have enough of it.
2. Everything is expensive.
3. The rich are in power and are constantly changing the structure of this country to give themselves benefits at the expense of people who actually need it, often for no goddamn reason.
4. Helping poor people often takes money that I don't have.
5. Capitalism is deeply exploitative and our adherence to it has on many occasion destroyed a benevolent system in favor a installing a helpful dictator or supporting a war we have no business being in or perpetuating harmful social dynamics. Keeping us and several innocent people in terror every day over matters that only have worth because we applied it.

*deep breath*

Wow. Okay. 

I don't feel better.

But whatever. 

I guess I learned something about myself.

Probably.